BATTLE!!!

When one hears a phrase like "the ensuing battle", it conjures up images of knightly duels, clashing steel and heroism. That's if this particular battle occurs anywhere but the portion of town we affectionately refer to as The North End. It's a genetic Bermuda Triangle if you will. For reasons that can neither be explained nor altered, if you, being a mild manner human being of "normal" lineage, move to the north end, a genetic transformation occurs rendering you to a helpless state of white trash.



That was the state of existence in which we found our two patients today. Their quarrel, their battle was over something so precious, so emotionally consuming that all reason was left by the wayside. I will change the names of these gentlemen to protect the inbred and the not yet intellectually violated.

Billy Bob felt that the broken down, two wheeled, rusted out '78 Chevy Van was his and his foe, Cletus, also laid claim to said gem. A duel of words simply was not enough to defend the virtue of this heap, so they went to their arms of choice. For Billy Bob it was the putty knife and for Cletus, the coffee pot. Rather unconventional, I know, but these men of lore were pitched in battle, fighting like warrior poets.

The aftermath was a laceration/stabbing wound on the top of Cletus' head since a putty knife will only penetrate so far into a skull. Billy Bob had his last tooth knocked out. The things men will do for love and country.